Gap Year Mayhem

Hi guys! Long time, no see!

First off, I would like to apologise for not posting recently. My life has been slightly topsy-turvy and I’m trying to sort it out the best I can but it has been hard, you know? Nothing terrible has happened (in comparison to all the bad stuff in the world), but I still feel as if I should explain everything.

Ever since getting my A-level results at the beginning of August (UK’s version of American SAT’s) I’ve been feeling incredibly low. As some of you know (and can probably tell from my poems and what not), I suffer from depression. But recently, that depression has spiralled into bouts of major depressive episode and anxiety. This was mainly due to the fact that I failed to get the grades I needed in order to go to university this year. 

Now, I’ve spoken to my GP, even before August – around May or June – and was put onto a waiting list because honestly, I wanted this sorted ages ago. But, it was partly because of my depression that I didn’t get the grades I wanted. All I’m saying is the emptiness and lack of motivation did not help me a single bit. Nor did the anxiety during my exams, which only got much worse after knowing I didn’t get into university. And there were loads of other, silly things which just built up into this one massive, impossible challenge to overcome. All of which has led me to feel extremely suicidal.

So, it has been really difficult for me. 

But I don’t want it to be. And knowing that I have the power – no matter how little that is – to change my circumstances is what is motivating me to reach out, ask for and accept help. From my friends, family and even my GP who has offered me a session on Monday.

That bout of suicidal ideation that I mentioned above has started to slip away from me, which I’m grateful for. I can now start thinking slightly more clearly and sort out my life. 

Right now, what I’m going to attempt to do is to stick to a schedule because the reason why I felt so suicidal was because I felt so lost. So, I think adding in a schedule will really help. 

My schedule will be in the next post. 

Thank you guys. 

And sorry. 

Nakedstreetkid out x