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Irritable moods and unproductive days

Because I die a little bit inside every time I leave my house, I cut my afternoon short and went BACK HOME. Amen. Why did I feel like that sentence needed or qualified Amen at the end of it like a statement? I have NO IDEA. Anyway, I digress.

Originally, what I planned was to go to this volunteering scheme that should lead to some paid work in the future, go to my school and then do shopping. I actually did not do all of that because I was in an incredibly irritable mood and I wanted to go back to sleep. So, instead, I just went to my volunteering and headed straight home. Hallelujah! Now that sentence certainly qualified for a religious affirmation because AT LEAST I went to that. Which sounds so ridiculous given that in the past I could do far more than that in a day.

I hate this lazy and unmotivated turn my life has taken. I really do wish I could just PUSH myself a little bit more.

Urgh.

I kind of hate all of that jazz.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to let out some steam as I have my therapy session. If you would like to hear about that, check out my post on Wednesday.

Other than that, I hope everyone has a more productive day than me and I shall post tomorrow.

Nakedstreetkid out x ;P

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My inability to compromise with Lazy days

You know when you somehow wholeheartedly convince yourself that today will be a lazy day? I’m having one of those days. Despite the fact that I have to start getting ready in less than 4 hours and leave my house in less than 5. It’s a funny fact of life and I cannot fully understand how I have convinced myself to have a lazy day. Even though I despise lazy days.

I finished school on Tuesday and basically did not want to leave. So, what I did was stay for another hour, saying my goodbyes to all the teachers that are leaving the school. There are about – at the very least – seven people that are leaving this year. I also said thank you and goodbye (for the Summer) to all the teachers that have helped me this year that are not actually leaving.

I mean, I really can’t cope with lazy days. I got off of School on Tuesday, and then the next day at 9 in the morning I decide to volunteer for a disability sports day. I have no idea what I was thinking, except that I can’t rest and have a lazy day. I swear, I don’t know what to do with myself on lazy days. I always end up doing something. Anyway, what I did was help teach these people how to play some unknown sports called Boccia. And maybe someone out there has played it but I, for one, had never actually played it. It was funny, and they all loved it.

I just realised something which is weird about the language that I use. I refer to almost everyone as people. I know that sounds crazy, like “I’m sure everyone does that” but you would be surprised to realise how little people actually do that. Like, I call children “people”. I have never recognised them as just children. I recognise them as both a person and a child. Which is mostly because I respect children because they are so damn wise. To be perfectly honest with you, I know that the majority of children lack knowledge, but when it comes wisdom, they can sometimes excel more than that of an adult. Oh, and I think teachers are people too. Which I have found is weirdly unique. Not many people view teachers as people. They don’t realise that teachers have this life outside of teaching. And they have emotions and thoughts. (Or maybe the some who I think that don’t do and instead ignore it).

I mainly realised this after they started making some students drop an AS level subject in January. I was one of those students. And I couldn’t help but think throughout that whole ordeal that they must feel like crap. Because they were impressing upon mere 16/17 year olds that they must drop a subject otherwise they would fail. I just kept thinking, “boy, that must be the hardest thing to do. They must hate the person who made them say all of that to emotionally reckless and frail 16/17 year olds”. That’s what I kept thinking. It took me a while to process the fact that they were asking me to drop a subject.

But I digress.

I think the word “people” puts everyone on neutral ground. It gives the illusion that all of these “people” are mature. When some of them are just kids. Some of them are just teachers. Some of them are teenagers and so on.

We should probably go back to the fact that I hate lazy days. I don’t know what to do with myself. Or maybe everyone defines “lazy days” differently. Like, everyone thinks that a lazy day is lying down on a coach and watching telly. Where as I believe a lazy day should be a day where you go out and explore something new. Or maybe, even an hour on Tumblr counts as a lazy day to me.

Whatever. My point is that I have no idea of how to cope on a lazy day.