Flashback

Flashback: 4:47am

4:47 am 

I wake up

My eyes sorrowful 

Cheeks soaked in tears 

And lips trembling red 
5:00 am

I pick myself up from my bed

Shuffle out 

Into the cold stare of the bathroom 

And open the window 
5:05 am

The breeze slaps me in the face 

I hear leaves chuckle in the wind 

To the songs of birds 

And the cry of foxes 
5:07 am

A glittering gold hits against the blocked building in front of me

A shimmer of the sun 

Showing its reflection 

As I wait 
5:09 am

The sun hits the building fully 

Made from multiple windows, 

Bricked walls 

And bird shit 

But glass 

All the same
5:11 am

I glance up 

The sun’s reflection rises

A mirror of orange 

Trapped for a moment 

Ready to greet my crying face 

with grace and art
5:11 am 

I smile 
5:12 am

I leave 

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Bearable Boredom

I have memories in that school. Things I remember doing. People I remember spending time with. And even though I hated it there and really couldn’t wait to leave, the people… It was the people that made it bearable. Made going through the days easier.

I miss them. They were all so amazing.

Nakedstreetkid out x

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Insincere Complacency

How are people so lucky to live lives of insincere complacency and then so easily slip into one of activity?

I somehow find it terribly unfair on how someone can switch between the two so smoothly, as if it is a simple trick, but it’s not. It’s like breaking each finger individually, and then trying to snap them back.

Not that it’s impossible, it just takes time to heal.

NaBloPoMo

And I’m laughing like…

Hey guys,

Today, I wasn’t really feeling the prompt, so I thought I would give y’all a general update.

Tomorrow, I have my induction training for the hospital volunteering because I actually got through! 🙂 I’m pretty happy about that. They e-mailed me on Sunday and invited me to an induction/training. Only problem was that their next available induction is tomorrow. And seeing as I would like to get started as soon as possible, I thought I would just throw caution to hell and go. But I have tons of reading to do before tomorrow. Ergh. Which I’ll do in the morning… Hopefully.

Oh, and my niece – bless her baby soul – is terribly ill, so, I’ve spent the day just looking after her. She has tonsillitis, a cold and is teething. She can barely sleep because of a stuffed nose and really won’t eat anything. Hopefully that gets better because she’s really struggling to breath and every time she finally does sleep, I have to double check that she’s breathing because there’s hardly any movement.

And finally, I’ve been listening to Traphik’s songs. He’s an amazing rapper on youtube and now has a job on’ Wild n out’ on MTV. Hence the name of this post “I’m laughing like”. It’s a line from his song ‘It Feels Good’. One of my fave songs. Gotta just chill to this 😉

Anywho, hope everyone has a lovely evening!

Nakedstreetkid out xx 🙂

moments

My first house party

The dull silence which usually occupied the trains in the morning was replaced with a rich thrill that ran through the mouths of many. The train became a social hub more than anything. The buzz of the train didn’t cease until it stopped at Kings Cross Station. Until then, there was laughter, girls in tight mini skirts with open chested blouses which flattered their apple, pear or pinched in figures. The guys were already having a party, each carrying their own can of laggar. I checked the time on my phone. My phone, a blackberry which carried the marks of a soldier from being thrown at the wall too many times at the attempt for it to forcefully defect from my possessions, was still alive. It had survived even to this day. What a shame. I really wanted an iPhone.

Anyway, it was only half an hour past seven. Everyone on the train except me and a parent accompanied child was a little bit more than tipsy. Their shouts and wails contained a common theme of complete abandon. Oh, well, they seemed happy enough. Each man clutched enthusiastically to an alcoholic drink while their other hand held desperately onto a pole as to not fall down flat on his face. The women were pulling down skirts, the same as I was doing. The only difference was that they made an attempt to readjust their tossled hair by puffing it up or smoothing it down with the tips of their fingers. That was something I didn’t do, couldn’t do because I hadn’t done anything to my hair beforehand but tie it up in a bun. But that was fine, I had other pressing issues to think about.

My brain kept spinning around the concept of going to a party. I had never been to one of this magnitude and was seriously worried because I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure how to dance, what drink to chose and what foods to eat. I was sure I wouldn’t let vodka touch my lips, nor rum. I had already encountered such things and it did not bode well for me. I was a horribly depressed drunk, with suicidal tendencies. I was not willing to return there. So, maybe, no alcohol. Wait, definitely no alcohol. At least, that was decided. How about food? Dancing? I guess, those are the things where I’m going to have to wait and see.

Anyway, the women on the train were getting a bit weird. Every time I glanced their way, I saw how they would subtly pout their lips before speaking to their fellow man. It was quite funny to watch but I didn’t dare laugh or even smile too much. I didn’t want any attention to be drawn to me. But, by the time two stops had gone by, I was pretty sure no such thing would occur. They were all preoccupied with each other. Their glazed eyes hardly dropped my way.

The train juggled them about, slamming each body against each other before purging them out of the doors as an automated voice announced their stop. Group by group the train became silent, and I was blissfully left alone in my seat as less bodies heaped themselves onto me.

It was coming close to my stop, but I refused to look up, worried that the remaining participants would realise that I had no idea to where I was going. But really, those remaining were half asleep, the bags underneath their eyes dragged their heads down before their necks suddenly snapped back up, darting their eyes around the carriage. One of these creatures asked me if they had missed their stop. I shook my head before saying no. They nodded and let their heads fall again.

When I heard my stop be announced, I carefully lifted by radio shaped bag, fiddled nervously with its dials for a little bit before walking towards the opening doors sliding away giving me room to exit. It was time to find the house.

The night air was cold when I stepped out onto the platform. The smell of concentrated urine made its appearance as I sprinted up the steps. I was late. I wasn’t sure if that was okay or not, considering it was a party. But, I was more than half an hour late. I wasn’t even sure if she had got my whatsapp messages to let her know whether I was late. I felt horrible.

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Quick and random thoughts

It is very hard to tell exactly why I like Sylvia Plath. I’m not sure anymore. Before it was so simple. It was because of her book The Bell Jar. But now, not so much. I should probably read the novel again but I’m beginning to doubt if I will. You see, I have found her poems. They have become a sufficient enough device to learn from I believe.

I am currently listening to John Green reading Lady Lazarus because it is amazing. The poem. John Green is amazing as well. Sorry. I think I just conformed to a stereotype. But the weird thing is that I never realised I was conforming to the social norms of being a teenager when I started reading his books. It was years ago. When I watching vlogbrothers and there was this appealing hype around him writing the book. But it’s pretty damn good, you know? His books make me cry and laugh and all those other emotions which are hard for me to identify.

I’m actually in the business of roaming the city. And I ended up deciding against taking my skateboard because it was raining in the morning. See, I didn’t want my wheels and bearings to be ruined by all that rain. I didn’t realise that everything would dry up as particularly fast as it did. But hey. That’s London for you. It will rain a tsunami one minute and then dry up like a desert the next. Hm. Maybe that’s not just London then. Maybe it’s blooming global warming.

How crazy and unexpected.

I think I should get off and walk soon. I’m on a bus taking me to oxford circus. But maybe I should walk as soon as I get into central London. It should be fun.

Right now I’m trying to find wi-fi but it is exceptionally hard to stay true to one hot spot when you’re moving all the time. So I’ll get out soon and publish.