moments, Poetry

Meeting Charlie 

Dear  Charlie,

we are born into this world on someone else’s terms. Then we are expected to manage its monstrosities, feeding from the hand that they give us.

But if those who birth us tube down our throats that we are nothing but selfish, lazy and ungrateful we are painted the toxic view of the world from that point forward.

We are made to breath down these negative spirals and believe them to be the truth.

However, every time I meet you Charlie, hunched over a card in the bathroom stall of a club vibrating the stench of sweaty bodies and rotten feet, I smile. You make me happy again. You awake my tired body and exalt it with joy, putting a spring in my step as gibberish leaks itself away from my mouth into the atmosphere. You help me to believe in myself and rein my own destiny, a throne in my future.

And then, as suddenly as you come, you disappear again. Hanging me by the arms of a noose, lowering my depraved mass into the body of a dark, dismal well.

Only for me to look up and pray your glorious snow will fall onto me again. Bringing with it you, my dear Charlie, with all your wonderful and splendid hopes, dreams and promises.

Missing you,

the grin of a lost girl
nakedstreetkid out x

NaBloPoMo

Thought Cycling Wonders

Yesterday was a day filled to the brim with thought cycling wonders.

I haven’t been able to sleep properly because I’ve been thinking for hours on end, and because of that, have been pulling out hair like no tomorrow. Not going to blame my tangle (which I now call my Tangle Monster), only because I didn’t have it on me.

But the whole thing started with thinking. Thinking about school, thinking about books, thinking about how much I’ve studied, thinking about work, thinking about whether I’ve paid my exam fees, thinking if I’ve signed up for my exams… The list goes on and on. And this type of thinking lasted for hours. The night before Friday, I was plagued with the same thoughts. However, it had kept me up well into the night.

Which, to be honest, allowed me to go a bit bonkers. I went off on one, hallucinating because I hadn’t slept and drinking some rum with ginger beer to calm my nerves. I ended up falling asleep at 4 in the morning, which in retrospect, wasn’t that late, but for a girl like myself who despite not going to school likes going to sleep at 10:30pm every night and waking up around 7:30am, it was a lot. And it wasn’t a night out and I wasn’t having fun.

I was just thinking and damn near tired of doing so.

I’m glad that I’m wide awake now and have had some sort of sleep, even if it’s only a couple of hours.

Nakedstreetkid out xx

Uncategorized

Feminist Society’s and other strange observations

On Friday I went to my very first meeting of the Feminist Society at my school and it was… Interesting? Interesting because it revealed something very important about the psyche of my school. That they were open to listening to ideas, but were they open to absorbing people ideas and molding their own opinion around it? Nope. And maybe they didn’t have to be, not at all. Because once you have an opinion, why should you change it just because there is one which opposes it? 

But, the thing which worried me was that they were all too young to make hard and fast judgments on the world around them. They didn’t know enough to say “this is this and there is no way around it”, when clearly, there is. There is a way around it. There is another way of thinking about it and it worries me that they are already so closed off at this age. Not all of them, but some of them. Some of them exhibited such a closed off attitude and it just worries me. That’s all.

But then, I feel kind of hypocritical.

How can I say that they are not already people with sophisticated values and principles, based on age?

But then I feel like a lot of adults shouldn’t be so closed off into their ways, but I’ve come to accept it because they’re “old” and are “stuck in their ways.” I hate that way of thinking, but was told that a long time ago by my sister and chose not to believe her for so long but as I’ve grown older, I’ve had the privilege of having more “adult” conversations with those well above my own age. And it has revealed a lot of things in their own psyche which seems stuck into one way of thinking and no matter how many counter arguments I throw their way, they rebut them. Even if it’s an illogical rebuttal. Even if there is no ammo in their arguments. How can you talk to someone who sees no other way but their own? Who cannot see from your point of view and die hard believers of “I’m right, you’re wrong. I’m big, you’re small”? How?


Hey, I’ve gone off topic. Again. -_-

But yeah, the point is, I feel as if we’re too young for that type of mentality. How can we be so set in our ways when we still have experiences yet to mold us into the person we are to become?

Nakedstreetkid out x 😀