Outgoing Mondays, random

Pip and me


Every night when I’m in bed, while the sun is setting and there’s just enough light peeping between the blinds hanging closed against my window, I see the silhouette of my mouse sitting on my left side.

See, the thing about my pet mouse is that it’s not real. I got him at a market a while back in London. He was supposed to replace the feeling of loneliness after my boyfriend at the time had flaked on me yet again. My boyfriend had promised to take me to this market for about 4 months and every time the monthly market rolled around, he was too busy, too preoccupied to hold up to his promise.

Anyway, I ended up calling my dark green, crotchet mouse Pip after somehow losing him in a pile of blankets, duvets and pillows. I remember at first calmly and then quite desperately looking for him between the sheets, calling out:

“Mouse, mouse, mousey, mouse, mouse, darling mouse! Pippy! Pippy? Pip! My darling, dear and sacred Pip, where the hell are you?!”

And then soon after finding him lying by himself on the floor after probably falling out from between my ruffled duvet. I apologised to him and placed him at the head of my bed, on my left hand side.

At the beginning of this post, I stated that Pip was not real. That was incorrect, Pip is very real to me. He represents the only other toy without reason, I took a liking to and decided after about 2 hours of browsing to pick up and openly and instantly fall in love with. I fell in love with him. Kind of like I did with my ex boyfriend.

Except only one stayed.

Nakedstreetkid out x

Outgoing Mondays

Daily Blogging Blues

Okay, to start with, I shall apologise. Maybe posting everyday (bar Sunday) is a little too much for someone who didn’t blog that much to begin with. Let’s at least accept that much. So, I’m sorry for not posting everyday, honestly, I’m more sorry for not keeping my promise.

So, like a pro, I must alter my promise so that I can write quality post and later increase the quantity. Maybe it’s not even the quality, I just need something that I can more readily stick to. So, from now on, I’ll definitely post on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. So that is me reflecting upon leaving my house, my therapy session and looking at my studies. That is it for now. Everything else shall be optional. At least this way I won’t feel terrible guilt for not feeling up to posting something that doesn’t seem right to me. That kind of brazen behaviour is reserved for November during NaBloPoMo! 😀

Anyway, today has been pushing the boundaries a little bit for me. I went to the cinema and I completely forgot about the whole student night thing. Silly me. It was quite anxiety inducing seeing that amount of people in one space, I kind of wanted to run and hide. But like always, I tried to filter away the number of people and use their talk as a buzz of relaxing background noise and I was okay again.

Seats were a hassle though. I felt like every time someone asked me to move down so that their large group of friends could sit together, it highlighted how I was by myself. But as soon as the movie started, all was forgotten and I absorbed myself in its story line.

I watched ‘The Martian’ and quite frankly, it was hella good! I loved it. Although it was a shameless plug for a career in science, the whole storyline and behaviour of the protagonist Watney really reeled me in. When the movie comes out on DVD, I shall do my best to buy it because I really did like it. A lot.

I’m glad I went to the cinema. Especially because that movie, there, reminded me that sometimes, trying your hardest to complete each challenge that arises to the best of your ability is the best option. For you and those you love.

Aye, look at me getting all philosophical.

Nakedstreetkid out x 😀

Outgoing Mondays

A library for the lost

On Monday I was able to actually go out like I wanted to. I wasn’t able to go to the cinema however, but I did go to the library which was a great change. 

Considering how difficult it has been for me to be around people, I think it was a great choice for me. I didn’t have to interact with anyone, nor did I have a time constraint on how long I stayed in the library. I think that if I did go to the cinema like I wanted to, it would’ve been slightly too challenging because I would have to actually engage in conversation with the cashire person. And you never know, I may bump into someone I knew and have to sit with them. And that would’ve been terrible for me because I just would’ve felt horribly awkward for the duration of the film, you know? So, I am glad I went to the library first. 

Baby steps, yeah?

Anywho, at the library, I just found a comfortable, quiet corner and read through my diary. I should probably mention I have gotten into the habit of carrying my diary with me and I had brought both my Summer diary and my current diary because I’d had my first session with the therapist. Ugh, I’m explaining too much, excuse me. 

Anyway, I was just looking through both, interested in what I had wrote. You see, I haven’t read through what I’ve wrote in a long time, so it just peeked my interest. 

I think it’s just so strange to look at your thought process when you’re at your worst, you know? It’s difficult as well because you tend to shy away from the worst of you, trying to reject such a self from existence when in reality, that bit of you is real. It is a part of you. 

Overall, going out wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be. I think it’s become easier to leave my house because of my job which requires me to go long distances and interact with people. But honestly, it’s kind of a miracle I was able to do leave my house without an obligation to do so. 

Nakedstreetkid out x