journal

What to do? 

I’ve been crying a lot lately. 
Ever since my 20th birthday, I’ve become increasingly depressed. This depression stems from me having a mixed bag of both successes and failures in the past month, and my inability to focus on the good. 

The long and short of it is, I’ve been focusing on the bad. All the mistakes I’ve made, all the risks I’ve taken and the negative consequences as a result has knocked back my confidence. 

I’m back to questioning “Am I good enough?”

To which the answer has been a deep, resounding “no”, and that is terrifying. 

Over the past couple of months, I’ve made huge strives in recovery. I’ve stopped self-harming, I talk more openly with friends and family, and I am taking deep control and responsibility for my future. 

But that feels like that is no longer the case as I am going through another bout of depression and thus going in and out of dissociative states. 

To be honest, I haven’t a clue of what I should do to feel better, but writing has always helped in the past so… I hope this works. 

Nakedstreetkid out xx

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5 thoughts on “What to do? ”

  1. Nakedstreetkid it must be difficult going through these bouts of depression, I hope you are seeking professional support for this as we can never do this by ourselves, no matter how strong we think we are. When reading your article I was interested to read “writing has always helped in the past” and started wondering what is it about writing that helps. Ask yourself what is different from writing and what is it that improves? I know this may seem difficult to consider, but take some time to think about it. The answer could be there as maybe it is not the writing but something that you are doing, thinking, feeling, or even hearing when you are writing. Just a thought, and remember you are always worth it. You are unique and no one is exactly like you so that makes you special.

    1. This is such good advice! I’ve never fully thought about it, but it isn’t the writing per se that helps. It’s the fact that I clearly acknowledged what I am feeling and exposing them makes these feelings less powerful.

      Thank you, I really appreciate this piece of insight.

      1. There is the start of a new thought just like that, your insight is great. One thing that may help which you might think is a bit out there is to develop a mantra based on what you just wrote. Feelings can be powerful and have the ability to be debilitating in our life. However, you now have found one way to fight them – by acknowledging what you are feeling and expose them in writing, drawing, singing, therapy (what ever works for you), you are taking away their power. I know I have made this sound easy, I know it isn’t, but every time you take the power of the feeling away you are another step closer to being the person you want and can be. Imagine yourself as that caped hero beating your feelings one at a time and smile. Hang in there Nakedstreetkid as people like you are inspiring.

    1. Ah, that’s true. Simple but effective. I think I’ve been so occupied doing things I have to do that I’ve stopped doing things I like to do, my distractions. I’m going to commit the whole day tomorrow in doing this.

      Thank you xx

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