Hi guys, it has been quite a while since I’ve written a blog post which is so odd because I usually have so much to say in general. However, for quite a while I withdrew from everything and everyone and just didn’t feel like writing because I no longer had the energy for it.
I have been through a lot over the past few weeks. Perhaps not a lot relative to other people but a lot for me. I essentially fell out with my brother and because of that, I became suicidal all over again. Thankfully, my mum caught me before I did anything fatal and she gave me the option to take myself out of the situation and housesit for my grandmother for a day or two. It has now been about 5 weeks and I haven’t yet moved back in. And I don’t think I’m going to.
In fact, the only reason I go “home” is to have my daily showers and catch up with my sisters if I see them, but that’s it. I think I’m going to stay there for the entirety of the Summer and then go straight to university and never have to go “home” again.
And I know this all seems rediculous and so outrageously childish but I cannot continue to put myself in a situation that contantly triggers me to feel so suicidal.
I’m not saying that underlying issues have been resolved and me moving out has allieviated the pressure from any of them. However, the situation that puts me the most in danger of doing fatal harm to myself has been temporarily eliminated. And if that is the best I can do for right now, then I’m going to do it.
I’m so incredibly aware of how chunky and distorted this post is but I’m trying to just throw all of my thoughts out there before I chicken out from writing again.
Also, just so you know, I have reached out for support from a psychologist and that should start just before the end of my exams.
Listening to: Cold Arms by Mumford and Sons
Nakedstreetkid out xx