A Disproportionate Chunk of Lies

I envy those who have the ability to communicate their thoughts with ease.

I, for one, struggle enormously with the fact. Maybe because I don’t know what I truly want and I am always trying to gauge what others wants me to say. So, my words pass out in disproportionate chunks of lies set at the wrong temperature to please someone’s wants. I can’t help it, it is a habit more than anything else.

It doesn’t make for good conversations with my therapist. Because my therapist seems to want and need nothing other than me to be honest with myself and say what I think. Which is difficult for me. So, we go round in circles.

She says we’re making progress, but I don’t feel like we are. Most of my words are discoloured from over use, and some are freshly baked and glossed. And some, there is no perfection to them at all. They are oversized or too small, a little grey or completely black, little scars or scratched and bleeding. Those are the words I am afraid to use. Those are the words that I must use in therapy but I am too scared to.

I am too frightened.

Nakedstreetkid out x


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