I think the thing about depression is that it is so hard to pin point when it truly started. It kind of just comes on and continues for such a long time that you don’t quite know when or how you ended up in that state. But you did, or rather, something did. Because more often than not, there is a trigger. No matter how small or insignificant it seemed to be at the time. There is often a trigger, individual to your own depression.
That is how I started my first session with my new therapist on Monday. Trying to figure out what triggered my depression. To be honest, I was quite sedated on over-the-counter cold and flu medication so, at first, it was quite the bit difficult to figure it out. I think that, even if I hadn’t been as out of it as I was, it still would have been difficult to figured it out because it isn’t something you ever truly think about. It’s hard enough to accept you have depression, let alone figuring out when it came on.
But we were able to identify when it started. Right now, we figure it must be when my father left the house which would’ve been when I was about 10 or 11 years old. We both understand that estimate can so easily change as we continue to unveil more and more things from my past. Which is nice, because I think anyone can agree that it can be hard to go back on something once it feels set in stone.
I’m glad that I went because it feels like I’m finally making progress.
Nakedstreetkid out x