On Monday I was able to actually go out like I wanted to. I wasn’t able to go to the cinema however, but I did go to the library which was a great change.
Considering how difficult it has been for me to be around people, I think it was a great choice for me. I didn’t have to interact with anyone, nor did I have a time constraint on how long I stayed in the library. I think that if I did go to the cinema like I wanted to, it would’ve been slightly too challenging because I would have to actually engage in conversation with the cashire person. And you never know, I may bump into someone I knew and have to sit with them. And that would’ve been terrible for me because I just would’ve felt horribly awkward for the duration of the film, you know? So, I am glad I went to the library first.
Baby steps, yeah?
Anywho, at the library, I just found a comfortable, quiet corner and read through my diary. I should probably mention I have gotten into the habit of carrying my diary with me and I had brought both my Summer diary and my current diary because I’d had my first session with the therapist. Ugh, I’m explaining too much, excuse me.
Anyway, I was just looking through both, interested in what I had wrote. You see, I haven’t read through what I’ve wrote in a long time, so it just peeked my interest.
I think it’s just so strange to look at your thought process when you’re at your worst, you know? It’s difficult as well because you tend to shy away from the worst of you, trying to reject such a self from existence when in reality, that bit of you is real. It is a part of you.
Overall, going out wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be. I think it’s become easier to leave my house because of my job which requires me to go long distances and interact with people. But honestly, it’s kind of a miracle I was able to do leave my house without an obligation to do so.
Nakedstreetkid out x