A manual to growing up

I think the hardest thing about growing up is realising there isn’t a manual to life. There isn’t a cookie cutter solution to every problem that crops up in the world. 

I think that’s so hard to understand, in fact, I’m still not sure if I truly understand. But yesterday, I reached my breaking point, tears pouring down my face trying desperately to find a solution to something that was completely individual to me through google searches and yahoo answers. And nothing, no answer sufficed. Everything that was said didn’t make sense to me, I would still be left with a broken layer of scar tissue and I wasn’t comfortable with that. Which is silly, now that I think about it, thinking that I could steal the advice of others for someone else and apply it generously to my own wounds. That’s not how the world works. And I need to get out of the habit of not facing my own problems head on. 

Because I’ll have another day like yesterday, one which completely blind sides you for no other reason than a build up of emotions. 

Nakedstreetkid out x


Exiting the whirlwind of emotional constipation

Because I’ve only just started exam season and my brain has already entered a deep, dark whirlwind of endless torment, I feel it is befitting that I start to plan and see my future.

By future, I mean summer and such. I’m far too emotionally constipated to begin to think further than that (like, oh, university matters and such). So, let’s go.

What do I wish to do during Summer?

GET A JOB.  I want a job, I want experience, I need money. I guess this, in a way, is thinking about my future further than just Summer. It’s thinking about the perplexity of supporting myself during University as well. But only superficially. I also need it for the socialising. I’m not sure yet, how frequently I’ll be able to see my friends, one of them is already leaving the country during Summer. For work, in fact, in the Alps! Can you believe that? Isn’t that just so cool?

Anyway, secondly, I WANT TO GO TO PARTIES. And in order to go to parties, I need to be invited to parties. And in order to be invited to parties, I need to have friends which are going to parties. Which hopefully isn’t impossible. I really do hope after all the “no, no, no’s” I’ve been giving everyone during exam season, they’d still invite me, you know? Well, we’ll see when the time comes. Anyway, the reason why I want to go to parties is because I need to be experienced about the do’s and don’t’s of party life. I’m not a frequenter at parties, so I don’t really know the rules and such. Hopefully, the Summer will reverse that, so that when I go to them, I’ll be well versed enough that I can go to them during Uni.

Thirdly! I don’t really have a thirdly. I just feel like everything good in life comes in threes. I guess the thirdly can be all the little, necessary, unthinkable things that I must think about during the Summer. For example:

  • Buying everything I need for uni
  • Going to results day to actually make sure I go to uni
  • Obviously spend time with my best friend
  • Maybe a bit of travelling
  • Seeing the friends I care about
  • Obviously catch up on all the TV shows I have missed over the last few months
  • And not so very obviously, go to the GP to start looking after my mental health

That type of jumbled up, crazy going, casual riding mess can only be dealt with at the time. And may change, depending on numerous factors.

Anyway, let us hope that everything goes well and I exit this hopeless, dark and scary whirlwind of doom and come out the other end unscratched. Kind of like a piece of corn, coming out from your buttocks.



Nakedstreetkid out ;P



Feminist Society’s and other strange observations

On Friday I went to my very first meeting of the Feminist Society at my school and it was… Interesting? Interesting because it revealed something very important about the psyche of my school. That they were open to listening to ideas, but were they open to absorbing people ideas and molding their own opinion around it? Nope. And maybe they didn’t have to be, not at all. Because once you have an opinion, why should you change it just because there is one which opposes it? 

But, the thing which worried me was that they were all too young to make hard and fast judgments on the world around them. They didn’t know enough to say “this is this and there is no way around it”, when clearly, there is. There is a way around it. There is another way of thinking about it and it worries me that they are already so closed off at this age. Not all of them, but some of them. Some of them exhibited such a closed off attitude and it just worries me. That’s all.

But then, I feel kind of hypocritical.

How can I say that they are not already people with sophisticated values and principles, based on age?

But then I feel like a lot of adults shouldn’t be so closed off into their ways, but I’ve come to accept it because they’re “old” and are “stuck in their ways.” I hate that way of thinking, but was told that a long time ago by my sister and chose not to believe her for so long but as I’ve grown older, I’ve had the privilege of having more “adult” conversations with those well above my own age. And it has revealed a lot of things in their own psyche which seems stuck into one way of thinking and no matter how many counter arguments I throw their way, they rebut them. Even if it’s an illogical rebuttal. Even if there is no ammo in their arguments. How can you talk to someone who sees no other way but their own? Who cannot see from your point of view and die hard believers of “I’m right, you’re wrong. I’m big, you’re small”? How?

Hey, I’ve gone off topic. Again. -_-

But yeah, the point is, I feel as if we’re too young for that type of mentality. How can we be so set in our ways when we still have experiences yet to mold us into the person we are to become?

Nakedstreetkid out x 😀