Uncategorized

Touch Screen Silence

So, I realised something peculiar about myself today… I absolutely hate the silence of touch screens. So, what I do to fill the void is tap against the screen so that I can hear that “clack” while scrolling down or selecting something.

Meh.

Nakedstreetkid out x

Advertisements
Uncategorized

Becoming THAT type of blogger

I’m the type of blogger who will check everyday for one notification alert on their dashboard.

Now, I never used to be like this. I used to be fairly normal with everything. Like, I wouldn’t even really care about the whole notification thing, and it would be an absolute surprise when I’d see something change on my page. I would be completely surprised when I saw someone either liking some of my content or following me promptly after liking my content. It was weird and lovely. So, I didn’t mind putting things up more regularly. Which was whenever I wanted to. Rather than letting it marinate in the memory of my phone and picking it up when I thought it was ready. No, I just posted it. And, I miss those days. When I blogged for myself, and not to gain views or likes or follows. When I wrote for myself and wasn’t dangerously wounded when I didn’t get a like or a follow or a view after posting one of my blogs.

I do think this problem occurred after I started to expect these things that are completely reliant on other people to happen. And you do hear a lot about people struggling with this, and a lot more about experienced bloggers screaming back “blog for yourself, not for your audience!”

I should’ve listened to the warning. And I still am going to listen to the warning.

Guys, it’s Friday, I haven’t finished my homework and I have school on Monday.

Peace and love.

Nakedstreetkid out x 🙂

Uncategorized

Published without hesitation: Dystopian themed dreams

It’s sunny and I can see everything.

How messy my bedroom is, how messy I am, the way my stacks of books look (disjointed and slightly askew). And the fact that I still haven’t gotten out of my bed. I can still see that. Oh, and the additional fact of “I don’t want to!” Get out of my bed and continue with my life.

There are a few things in life that you don’t want to hear. And most of them are from your subconscious, dressed in the cloak of your therapist in a dream telling you that you’ve got to start looking after yourself. That the condition you have put yourself in now, is not good enough.

Which is frustrating to hear because it’s not just my fault. It’s everything in between as well as my fault. But I guess I’m just one of the many variables and I am the one that I have the most control over when in comparison to everything else. Which is annoying to accept because I want to pretend otherwise.

Ugh! Waking up being this thoughtful because I get trapped and almost get killed in a dystopia within a dream has its drawbacks. But it also has its own advantages.

Nakedstreetkid out ;P x

Uncategorized

Openly closed about things that matter

I’ve been in my bed, awake and under my covers for about two hours now just watching youtube videos. Not dumb, cat filled youtube videos but intelligent, reflective and news type videos that have been forcing me to think about things I wouldn’t ordinarily think about. Or rather, things I wouldn’t ever admit quite so openly to thinking about. Not to you, but to myself. But I’ll give you an example anyway, so, for example, the reason why I didn’t talk an awful lot yesterday when I was with my friends is because I didn’t want to say anything stupid to things I could barely hear. I’m more of a listener than a talker anyway, but I couldn’t hear, so I stayed quiet and just observed other things around me as to force myself not to say anything stupid as I was no longer actively engaged in the conversation. That’s just one of many thoughts.

By the way guys, I’m hungry and desperately need to pee, so I may be forced to jump out of my bed and put my phone down in a second, so I’ll be quick.

I have an interview tomorrow, with a university I’m not 100% sure about yet, so I’m all over the place right now. I haven’t prepared for it yet, at all. Which is uncommon for me. I would have usually done about 5 weeks of preparation for this interview. But it’s tomorrow and I haven’t even really tried to. Which, I think I’ll look back on in a few days time and regret it. But right now, me no care.

It’s also very sunny and it’s pancake day and I need to still pee and we have no eggs. Time for me to roll.

Nakedstreetkid out x

Uncategorized

Thoughts: 25 degrees under, 3 degrees out

So, it’s gotten to this point in the year where I don’t wear anything but a top, knee high socks and knickers to bed. And that’s mostly because when I get under my quilt, it’s way too hot for anything else. So I just deal with the bare minimum so that I don’t overheat and sweat through the layers of skin and cloth that would otherwise surround me. Which I think is fairly reasonable.

However, when I wake up in the morning, the contrast between the warmth under my quilt and cold outside of it is too much. So much so that I just don’t want to get out of bed. Which is silly. But I digress.

The weird thing about this situation is that the fact that it’s cold outside of my quilt can be very much related to the fact that I don’t want to get out of bed. Which, in some ways it is, because the world is honestly a cold place sometimes. The places you go, the people you meet, they’re all cold. Sometimes you will smile and wave at someone in the morning and they just don’t smile back. It makes you wonder if it’s you or something you did. So you put your hand down and tuck your smile away in hopes that your attempt to isolate your actions and words from their mood could somehow ease their sadness. And you think to yourself that maybe you should’ve stayed under your covers today. Because if you’re not giving back to the world in someway, why are you even awake at all?

Which is silly. But it’s what flicks through my head when I get a negative response. The thought just buzzes right through me and as soon as I get past it, I continue with my day, while slowly and uncomfortably realising that my actions can amount to very little. Or very much. Depending on the person and situation.

And I think it’s the change of climate that makes it easier to stay in bed than to walk out of it. Why go outside to the cold, when you can stay underneath and bathe in the warmth for a little while longer?

I wonder why and then not all.

Nakedstreetkid out 😉

Uncategorized

Self-reflection in adolescent woes

Nothing is truly different about the places you go, it is the people that you meet that make the difference.

Now, I’ve noticed this about school the most. In my schooling career, I’ve been to about 3 schools in total, one for each milestone of my education – key stage 2/3, my GCSE’s and my A-levels. Particularly during A-levels, when I had to move from my secondary school to another sixth form (college/last two years of high school). There, what I craved immensely were my friends from my secondary school and it didn’t matter how much my new school offered me, I was still attached to my friends from my previous school. I would sit there and reminisce about a time not too far into the past, when my mates and I would play chase in the hall way of our school. Or do the most ridiculous things during break. Like building slides and having sing-offs with one another. Those were one of the best times of my life and I just couldn’t quite let that piece of thread attaching me to my friends go.

In the beginning, I thought it was my school that I missed the most, but of course, it was my mates. And, in all honesty, that’s something you can’t ever really detach. You can’t ever really detach the friendships you have made in the past, but you can begin to thread new ones with the people you have around you.

And that’s what I did.

And I’ll never regret it.

Because I’ve come to the realisation, that the time I have left with my friends is short. This is the only time in my life where I will see them for a minimum of five days a week, consistently for six, seven, maybe eight weeks at a time and it’s scary to think that. That the people you form these bonds with will soon leave. And you can get so caught up with what is happening now, what’s happening in the present. With all your exams and adolescent woes that continue to accumulate before you realise that this time is short. And when you realise that and take a look into the reality of your future with these people, you’ll see worth in them. The value, the riches that they carry with every experience that they sew into every fibre of your being.

And I don’t mean that in a romantic way or anything. I just mean that, as soon as you take a second to think about your future, you begin to realise more and more that these friendships that you have woven so tightly will soon loosen. And with that realisation, you’ll be more inclined to appreciate what you have around you. The friendships that you have made.

So, it isn’t ever really the place that makes your experiences special, but the people involved in your experiences. The people who sew on the badges of each experience that you share. That is what makes the difference.

That is what promotes growth.

So don’t ever forget them, value your experiences now but remember the future is still yet to come.

Nakedstreetkid out x

Uncategorized

Returning Sanity

I haven’t posted anything on my blog in a while because my style of writing has actually gone way out of whack. I’m trying to fix it up by reading more, but I always feel guilty for reading because I need to revise and my life apparently now revolves around my need to revise. I hate it, but that’s the way it is.

I was actually thinking a little while ago that I should really start balancing my life far more better than I am doing now. The problem is, is that I still haven’t quite found my footing in balancing revision and free time. Because what I am doing now with revision, I might as well not be revising because I am failing everything. However, like my friend Luke has already done, I might just force myself to accept the failure that is waiting for me by the end of this week. In fact, my older brother was talking to me earlier, and told me that unless I fully accept that I have failed, that I have hit rock bottom, there is no way I will ever reach the top. He told me, that the first step is admitting that I failed, the second is accepting that the way I am doing things is causing me to fail and repeating the same method will only lead to even more failure. Repeating an old trick the same way and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I need to get out of monotonous cycle of getting up, going to school, going home and sleep. I really need to learn how to shake things up, otherwise I am going to fail every single exam. And I don’t want that, so I need to learn to accept that I’m failing, well and truly accept it instead of ignoring it for what it is.

Because if I’m going to fail, what do I have to lose by changing up my method of learning? Nothing, absolutely nothing. If I still channel all my hope into a failed method, I’m just going to drive myself straight into insanity, and that isn’t good.

Like my history teacher quoted:

“Learn to accept the things you can’t change, and change the things you can.”

I have the next few days to prove that I can do it.

Here. We. Go.

Nakedstreetkid out ;D