So, I keep thinking to myself “what is my happy song?” And that’s mainly because my days have become extremely monotonous with mountain piles of revision overloading each and every hour of my waking being. And mainly because I have an interview in a little less than 5 hours for a university I actually want to go to and have to convince them that they are the ones I love. And this is difficult for me because I’m freaking out.
So, what is my happy song?
My mind returns to my past experiences in my secondary school, surrounded by the people I absolutely love and contributed to the development of what I call me. And I just remember days where we put these unheard, unknown rastafarian, afrobeats and bollywood songs that someone somehow had stumbled upon during their happy hour. And I can’t remember these songs. What I can remember is how we would all dance, and dance with abandon. And I miss that. I miss the simplicity in it.
Because now that I’m growing up, I feel like I’ve taken every moment of that time in my life for granted. And I wish I hadn’t. I think I was aware things would change, but that they couldn’t because I would have some element of control. But I don’t. And that’s scary.
Now I’m watching friends from 2 years ago grow up into these lovely, stable women. And I’m here, sitting and I feel as if I haven’t reached that level yet.
I listen to a lot of songs. Those who know me, know that I’m always lip syncing songs in the street. Or recycling old ones because they portray a different meaning to me now that I’ve had a little more time to grow. I still listen to songs that I stumbled upon 5 years ago, and only update this with songs I know has made a change for me. And in that vast collection of music, I don’t think I’ve ever decided what was my happy song. What was the song that when I’m stressed or sad picks me right back up again?
I don’t know.
I hope I find it soon.
Nakedstreetkid out x