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Public speaking and other woeful tragedies

So, I have this problem that occurs frequently throughout my day. It always starts in the morning, about the time I decide to open my eyes and scrunch them shut again. It happens just before I throw away my covers and lay myself vulnerable to the onslaught of activities that impose the structure of my day. And, I guess the problem is hardly a bad thing, I just seem to do it in excess.

This problem is called over thinking.

I think a lot about some things and not enough about others. I ruminate on thoughts composed of self-doubt and self-defeat, feeding my obsession to make myself inferior to others. And even though that sounds so wrong, it is not purposeful. I only mean to put myself down because I know the damage arrogance can do to people. And in knowing this, I have attempted to not give life to any feelings that may manifest into such a personality trait.

But this is a problem, and it has to stop.

On Monday, I had the opportunity to take part in the finals of my schools public speaking competition. Because I forced myself to believe that I would fail, that I was not worthy of the competition, I was so nervous when stepping onto the stage. I was shaking and had tripped over my words so many times that I was afraid to speak by the end of it. Needless to say, it was not me at my best.

If I had allowed myself to develop self-confidence for my delivery of the speech, I believe I could have been in a chance where I could have won. But, looking back, I’m glad I decided to speak despite my self-induced nervousness and lack of confidence. I’m glad I took part, because at least now I know that I want to overcome this problem of over thinking, now I know I want to develop my confidence and conquer my nervousness.

I guess, as they say, everything happens for a reason. I hope to the lord I have found my reason.

Nakedstreetkid out x šŸ™‚

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