Growing in a fish tank

I like bringing people into my life, and then not at all. I worry that with enough information, they’ll start to speculate, they might even start to connect the dots. So that they can accomplish the damage needed to foil my carefully formulated plan which had aimed to prevent the inevitable rejection waiting for me from my peers. It seems plausible, this fear, and then, not at all.

You see, this is the problem. I constantly feel like I’m living in a fish tank. Like, I know this stone, I know this leaf, I know this water filter and then bam! Big ol’ shocker, I don’t really know this pebble, do I? I don’t really know this tree, do I? I’ve already seen it all, but then I haven’t and I’m stunned into silence. Because even though everything seems the same, it’s not. And everything that isn’t, should be because they’re all made out of each other, and gosh darn it. Life is stupid, ain’t it? Because I could be going through the same old things, driving through the same old waves and yet, I’d still be able to find something confusingly new and I hate it/love it in a perplexed sort of way.

This probably makes no sense, and I don’t expect it to do. But my thoughts feel like they’re rushing around in my head and they won’t stop until I write, so, yeah.

Everything keeps changing – I keep changing – but it all feels the same. And I wonder when I won’t be the same me as I am now. Does the present me have an expiration date? Do these changes have an expiration date? If so, when will it end? Blooming heck, it seems like a never ending story of being an adolescent with a pituitary gland that continues to consistently spew out growth hormones onto my body, onto my mind, for petes sake. And the funny part about it, is that I still haven’t caught up.

Nakedstreetkid out -_-


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