Every time I look into a mirror, all I see is a failure. Everyone always tells me that I have “potential”, that there is “potential” for me to do well but then I always fail. I screwed up at the first year of sixth form and now I’m left with the consequences. I probably won’t get into university with such low predicted grades, and maybe that’s why I’m putting off applying for university. In my head, I keep telling myself that I’m not worth it. And I know that’s a bad attitude to adopt but I can’t help it.
There are times in life when I get like this, and I do stupid thing. I’m a procrastinator because I always want to do everything perfectly, because I’m scared of what could happen if I do get something wrong. So, I guess I do nothing instead. Because if I do nothing, how can I get anything wrong? It’s a cop out, and a very stupid cop out at that but it’s the way I’ve lived my life. Stupidly and with the consequences mounting up.
Sometimes, I wish I was in Generation X. It seems to me they have the best attitude out there. The attitude of, if I don’t try, I’ll never know. I like that attitude. I want to emulate that attitude. Because then, I feel as if my life would start again. Because I would persevere through each struggle and not take every problem so personally. I would just logic my way through it and stay consistent with a solution.
I don’t know, maybe it just as simple as I need to start to become an adult. I need to start to become responsible for my own future and realise that if I really want to grow out and become more like the “me” I know I can be, I need to change my attitude. So, perhaps the title of this shouldn’t be “Mirror Me Perfect” but it should be “Mirror Me Mature”.
Nakedstreetkid out x 😉