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Childish rants and Adult hiccups

So, I thought perhaps I should explain my mood earlier on in the day.

For the last week, my brother and I have been having conversation after conversation. He’s essentially been mentoring me through the beginnings of adulthood. This didn’t really start from me saying any particular thing to him but rather what I didn’t say.

So, it all basically started from a “fight”.

Sigh.

Something you must understand about me is that when I get into a “fight” with any one of my siblings (I have 4 in total), I usually just clamp up shut. This has been the same phenomenon that has occurred from since I was child, hardly able to speak because of fear of over stepping boundaries. So, I never tested any boundaries and therefore I never grew a voice. That is not the only thing though. I also wanted to be respectful. What respectful meant to me was not talking back when I was a kid, and just accepting what I was told without question. I guess this mind of thought continued through my childhood and has held true through adolescence. The only difference is now I do screw faces and look away. Meh, progress I guess but still not.

On the morning of the first conversation, my brother and I could’ve gladly entered an “argument” of sorts. With him shouting words at me and I holding onto a screw face for the whole time. But, that day, he decided to treat me as an adult. Decided to talk to me instead of scream at me. He said “G,” looked at me “you’re an adult. You need to start acting like one.” I guess when you begin to be treated like an adult, you feel compelled to act like one.

But it’s not something that happens overnight. So, I am sorry for that childish rant. It shouldn’t have really happened. I guess, I woke up frustrated with my circumstances. I wish I hadn’t but I did. Decided to post my childishness away onto a blank canvas, I suppose. But, at the end of the day, self-pity serves no one. So, I need to learn how to grow up. And there’s probably no sure and fast way to do so, so I’m going to have to buzz through trials and errors in order to make a dent in this growing up scheme.

So, again, I apologise.

Nakedstreetkid out x 🙂

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