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Working through anxiety attacks

I’m trying to not take it personally. I’m trying my best. I’m trying to pretend that what was said wasn’t really said at all. And it is the hardest thing ever.

My brain is frying up, my body is becoming numb and my ears are ringing. And I think I’m going to be sick.

I’m not really sure how everything blew up, but it did. Slowly and gradually.

How did it get blamed on me? Why did everything get blamed on me? My sister told me to just take it. So, I took it. And now, it’s obviously my fault. I don’t know how, in those single moments of bundled fury, I was the one who came out looking worse than anyone else.

I should probably explain that I didn’t have the anxiety attack. My sister did. And everything blew up so suddenly.

Now, my sister is better. But my mum’s ego is slowly being repaired by tearing down my own. I guess, I’m making it easier for her. Considering I’m sitting there and I have no words to really defend myself with. Because what I did was disrespectful.

I’m so sorry. I do realise that this is all mismatched but I’ll explain tomorrow. Actually, I’m not sure if I even will. It’s a very long story. Let’s just say this was the first time my mum had to deal with one of my sisters anxiety attacks while being the one to cause it.

I feel so crappy right now.

I’ll talk later.

Nakedstreetkid out x

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