I shouldn’t be here

I’m just a kid again
The shame of walking to school with my brother’s clothes on engulfs me
Eats me whole

The soles of my feet grabs the gravel at the pavement
My shoes are vacuums
Split at the sides, circles dug deep
I pull one foot in front of the other

And as I slither into school their whispers consume me
Their stares paralyse me
Constricting my throat
No word escape my mouth
But grieving sounds of solitude do

The world disappears in my mind
A hazy fog of bricks floating above ground
Expressions dislocated from faces
Experimenting with a frown and then a laughter
That suddenly clicks into anger

Shouting cuts away at my fog
And I begin to move

Slowly, slowly, slowly forward

A breath escapes through my nose
My eyes shimmer close
When I open them, I’m at the the steps

I’m ready and first in line
I’m first in line and watch them
Playing tag and jumping on the fence

While I sit on the step

While I sit on the step

I’m first in line people

I’m first to die


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